Misogyny exists in women just as much as it exists in men. And the internal misogyny that exists in us woman is just as destructive, if not more destructive than the men reinforcing it. Because it creates hardwired, subconscious beliefs within ourselves that no matter what, we are lesser than. 

 

No matter what, we will always be below a man. No matter what, at the end of the day, our emotions are wrong. No matter what, our sole purpose is housewife and baby slavery. No matter what, we are nothing without a man. No matter what, our worth directly correlates with our beauty because all we’re good for is sex, taking care of him like his momma did, bringing him comfort, then making motherhood our livelihood because after we lose our beauty we’re all used up and no man will want us, so we have to find meaning in caring for a different human being. 

 

This is the narrative that silently lives inside women.

 

Women believe these things.

 

Every single woman I have ever gotten to close to has struggled with these subconscious beliefs. Crying over why their boyfriend doesn’t care about how they feel. Heartbroken over the fact that someone they put their whole heart into threw it away for a girl who is more beautiful than them. Riddled with anxiety over not being married yet because they only have a few more years before their eggs dry up and they won’t be able to fulfill their life purpose. Broken over self hatred because they “let” a man rape them because they were too afraid to speak up. 

 

This is the narrative that silently lives inside women.

​

This is what it’s like to be a woman in the world we live in. 

 

These are the subconscious beliefs that every little girl is taught from the time they are born. We are given baby dolls and toy kitchens and fed princess movies and trained to be quiet and behave. When I was 8 years old and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said I wanted to be a  pastors wife who played the piano for church. And everyone praised me for that. We are programmed from the momentour existence begins without any say and without any awareness of it. 

 

It’s the same for people of color. When my close friend, Natalie, turned twenty, she went through a major personality change. In many ways seemed like a completely different person. Her hair changed, her friends changed, her demeanor changed, she dressed different, she changed her major. One day I asked her about it and she sat me down and shared her truth. She told me that her entire life she was had lived with internalized racism and didn’t even know it. She subconsciously believed there was something inherently wrong with who she, something that would prevent her from ever being able to succeed because she was black. She was shy, she would quiet down when people would talk over her, she wouldn’t stick up for herself when people abused her, she made primarily white friends without intention. 

 

Growing up, her teachers, mentors, bosses, doctors, etc. were white. Before she was even five years old, internalized racism was hardwired into her brain. It wasn’t until she had been alive for twenty years that she even began to realized those beliefs existed in her. She was raped by a stranger. The very next day, the police officer assigned to her case told that it was her fault because she was drunk. She went into a deep depression for months because she believed him. 

 

Most women will go their entire lives without ever becoming aware of their subconscious beliefs about themselves. What kept Natalie unknowingly trapped in the destructive programming for so long was her denial that there was anything wrong. It takes courage to face the truth. Because once you become aware of the atrocities you have experienced, you have to face them. You feel them. And it’s very painful. That is why the most dangerous thing you can do regarding discrimination is deny that there is a problem. By denying the problem, you are subconsciously agreeing to participate in behavior that damages people. It is an unspoken, “There is something inherently wrong with you and you will never be able to fix the damage because it is, and will always be, who you are.”

 

That is why I say, if you are not for us, you are against us. If you do not acknowledge the existence of sexism and misogyny when someone brings it to your awareness, then you are silently telling them to believe the narrative that keeps them trapped in their personal hell of internalized self hatred. And I know you might think, “Well they have the ability to not let other people’s belief affect them.” But again, people go their entire lifetime without ever being able to break out of their unconscious narrative of self hatred for simply being born with a vagina. Each time you put them in their place when the glimmer of courage arises to break free from their internal prison, it gets harder for them to feel that courage again. Eventually they give up and choose to stay in the familiar narrative. Because they believe that’s where they belong.

 

And that’s the world we live in now. 

​

​

​

Let's change that. Let's create a safe place for women to share their truth. Let's hold space for their courage.